Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it glows. i had to have it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
