I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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