I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
