is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
