i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
