My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
