my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
