C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
