So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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