You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
