before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
