i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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