she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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