splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
