Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
