I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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