Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
