i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
