i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
