Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
