Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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