Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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