dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think my vagina is haunted
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
