so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish my penis had a tongue
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
