Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
