She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
