girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's like iHOP with fire
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
