just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
