Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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