You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
