ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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