Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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