We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
