It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
