You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
