Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
