I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
