What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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