After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
