I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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