no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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