Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
