The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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