marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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