My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
