I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
