just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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