There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
