And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
