you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
