I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
