There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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