ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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